“Man up!” – Perhaps The Two Most Problematic Words A Man Will Ever Hear

   TRIGGER WARNING: The following article mentions the topic of suicide.

Gents, let’s face it – we’ve all heard them. Those two little words that have the ability to destroy a man’s life. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, man up is a phrase “used to tell someone that they should deal with something more bravely”.  Now I think it is fair to say that the term is often if not always, used in relation to a man’s personal struggle, whether that be with fear, with his mind, or another facet of his life.

 Many people seem to think that the stigma surrounding men’s mental health is a thing of the past, because for some men, it is. This is a fantastic thing for those men, and I commend their courage for speaking up. But the problem is, this is not widespread. Many men still feel they cannot talk about their feelings, or whatever problems that may be troubling them. This is obvious in the Central Statistics Office (CSO) figures for suicides reported in Ireland in 2024. According to their figures, 10.4 per 100,000 men in the population died by suicide in 2024, while 2.3 per 100,000 women died by suicide in the same year. Now there’s a lot of ways this can be looked at, but the biggest thing I can take away from it is that this stigma is very much still there.

    Being told to man up when afraid can jeopardize a man’s safety as much as it can his mental wellbeing. Fear is a perfectly normal response to danger. If I was about to jump out of a plane and do a skydive, for example, I’d be terrified! Fear keeps people safe, lets them know there are certain things that they shouldn’t do. Braving fear is one of the most courageous things a person can do, and to encourage this is extremely healthy. BUT, if you were to use language such as those two horrible words that I won’t even mention again, this can be problematic for a man’s mental state.

A man having courage through mental struggles is something that is very important, of course. But I feel the definition of what courage is in a situation such as this one needs a radical change. To have courage in the face of mental adversity needs to be defined as having the courage to speak to somebody and let them know you’re struggling, not burying your problems until you can’t any longer. Now I’m not saying that this is cowardice, it’s just a very unhealthy coping mechanism that is like carrying a shopping bag, and the more bags you carry, the heavier the load, and the likelihood of you collapsing under the weight is much higher.

  At the end of the day, I guess what I’m trying to say is, what it truly should mean to man up is to have the courage to ask for help if you need it.

HELP IS AVAILABLE

If you, or anyone you know needs someone to talk to, they can get help at any of the below phone numbers:

Pieta: 1800 247 247

Samaritans: 116 123

Aware: 1800 80 48 48